Scene: U.S. border checkpoint at Pembina, ND. Both vehicle and passengers are a bit low on fuel after the weekend.
Customs and Border Patrol Agent: “Where are you coming from?”
Ben: “Manitoba.”
All: [laughter]
Ben: “Sorry. Winnipeg. I’ve been doing that all weekend.”
Agent: “Why were you in Canada?”
Me: You don’t want to know. “We were at a conference.”
Agent: “What kind of conference?”
Me: You don’t want to know. “It was the River City Reason Fest conference.”
Agent: “I don’t know what that is.”
Me: You don’t want to know. “It’s a humanist conference. It was basically about building strong communities without religion.”
Agent: “Why would you want to do that?”
Me: I knew you didn’t want to know. “Well–”
Agent: “What would you have to hope for?”
Me: [Puts on sunniest, most inviting smile.] “You should have come to the conference!”
Agent: “Noooope. Not me. I’m a loud-mouthed Texan.”
Me: [Puts on kind, understanding, accommodating smile.] “Well, I won’t try to convince you here.”
Agent: “You wouldn’t [unintelligible].”
Me: I don’t want to know.
Agent: [Hands back our cards.] “Welcome back to the U.S. Have a good day.”
Us: “You too.”
